I was up at 5:20 this morning. After getting something to drink from the human's chair, I went to the back door and yelled. Strangely, no one came. I tried again at the top of the stairs, but it was useless. The humans were tired. I had seen them sitting in front of their magic portal windows, busily trying to catch all of the buttons on their rectangle boards for several nights in a row. The buttons don't even move. I don't understand. Regardless, I jumped up onto the biggest bed and proceeded to yell at the tall human. He was startled, but I comforted him by purring loudly. He got out of the biggest bed and put his fur on. I sat on the medium bed while I waited. Sam came up the stairs to see what was going on. He's a doofus. He doesn't even lick his own butthole. The human was in full fur and started down the stairs, so I told Sam what was up by bumping my nose into his before tackling him and asserting dominance. After he submitted like a baby, we went downstairs where the tall human was waiting with the back door open. Finally! Time to go outside.
--one eternity later--
I've been sitting under the sleeping metal monster for hours, waiting for the back door to open. Sam is already inside. I saw him eating the soft rocks the humans try to convince us is "cat food." What kind of food doesn't even bleed? I'm not sure I trust it. Still, the humans wouldn't do me harm, at least not on purpose. Ah! The short human is in the food room! I'll sit at the invisible door and stare at her until she opens it. Perfect. Yeess, pet me, yes thank you, ok, I really need to go upstairs now. I'm thirsty. Ugh, the white chair water is yellow again! I can't drink this. The humans aren't sitting in front of their magic portal windows anymore. I guess they finished whatever they were doing. I'll yell at them until they fix my water.