2018 HERE I AM.
Hey all! It's Katherine this time! Sorry we fell off the blogging bandwagon. We're back on!
So, I know, you've heard it everywhere by now- but 2017 is ending! I cannot believe how fast this year flew by. I hardly feel like I got anything accomplished, and I remember telling myself that 2017 would be MY YEAR, and I look back at it and I'm really wondering what exactly it is that I did.
Do not get me wrong- we were blessed this year. We managed to BUY A HOUSE and make it our own. We created and recreated our website, and our business saw some growth.
But I am selfishly left unsatisfied. I believe this is because I keep trying to do everything my own way, and I only end up disappointing myself because I'm striving for some world view that I have of perfection, and of how everything SHOULD be going.
So with that being said...
If you have never heard of Lara Casey and her Goal Setting Series, go here and find out. I ran through all five parts yesterday morning before work, and I will likely have to go over them again- but the process was wonderful, and it didn't leave me feeling overwhelmed with the goals that I set for myself, it just left me hopeful that there will be growth. Here's what I learned:
My word for 2018 is SURRENDER. I'm not thinking of 2018 as MY YEAR this time, but as God's year. I chose this word because this entire last year I have been struggling with my own goals and my own plans and I keep getting disappointed whenever I don't see the results I expect. Part of that has to do with this business. Most of it just has to do with me, setting myself up for failure. If I would only surrender, and LISTEN, then maybe we'd get somewhere. God can't work with me if I'm not hearing Him, and He definitely can't work with me if I'm stubbornly holding on to everything. Not that He literally CAN'T, because He can obviously use anyone and everyone whenever He needs to, but rather that He gave me free will, and He wants me to CHOOSE Him, to let go, and to start listening. If I want to live a life that is driven by Christ, I kinda have to let Him drive- and NOT be a backseat driver!
I also lost having a hobby this year. I don't know when the last time I sat down and did something I truly enjoyed, other than watching a movie or playing a video game here and there with Mark. Instead, I'm constantly doing things that I feel RESPONSIBLE for, and they're always hanging over my head (probably because I'm letting them), and it makes me stressed out and grumpy, and it really puts a cloud of negativity over the house. I hate that I subject Mark to negativity, because no one wants to be around it, but since Mark loves me, he sticks around in it. So I'm going to get back into gardening and cultivating some crops and flowers this year. I'm looking forward to planning over the winter, planting in the spring, and watching all the little things grow slowly. I want to be grounded, and growing things, tending to plants, has always brought me closer to Christ.
So this was me, really candidly talking (kind of just rambling) about the upcoming year, sharing some personal things about my outlook going into the new year... I've never been one for New Years resolutions, and I'm clearly not going to start now. I have goals in mind, and tiny little steps forward to achieve them, little by little, over the next year. I also have awareness of this super amazing thing called GRACE, and there is SO MUCH GRACE already in place for me whenever I stumble. God is singing over me (and you!), and sometimes I have to step back and realize that. As one of those Casting Crowns songs says, "Stop holding on, and just BE HELD."