Max wakes up too early. He’s always doing stuff like he’s soooooo coooool. Whatever. I’m tired. Sometimes, sleeping makes me tired, so I sleep it off. I think I might love sleep more than food, but only when I’m not eating. Eating makes me sleepy, too, and I love sleep, so that just makes food even better!
I think today, I’ll sleep under the bed, then I’ll get up and eat. After that, I have to go outside cause the humans make me. I hear them say, “Go learn how to be a cat, Sam.” Pff. I am a cat. I’m as much a cat as Max! So what if he can kill things and eat them? Killing isn’t even catlike, sleep is! That’s why it’s cat naps and not cat homicide. I’m the better cat. Even after I wake up and eat, go outside like my humans make me do, I just waltz to the shed in the backyard and nap under it.
The humans aren’t even on top of their own things! Like, how come everywhere I go, it smells like a dirty butthole? That’s not normal, but do they say anything to Max? Nooooo. Max wouldn’t smell like death, surely! He just kills everything that moves! Like, you smell death, you see Max killing things, but you think it’s me!? They even- get this- they even WIPED
MY BUTT one day, trying to get me to lick it, like…No. That’s nasty, I am not licking my own butthole. You lick it, if it bothers you so much.
I don’t get the respect I deserve. At least I can always snuggle into Mommy Blanket. Mommy Blanket doesn’t chastise me or call me fat, and she lets me sleep all I want. I’m tired. And hungry. And it smells. Why does it always smell like butt?! I’m gonna take a nap.
In all seriousness, we love our sweet little princess, even if he’s a baby. We’re pretty sure he hadn’t had a mom for a while when we found him at 4 months in Miami, so we can’t really blame him for not knowing how to clean himself.